Don’t rush funerals

It’s worth taking time to create meaningful funerals, say experts on loss and bereavement. 

Yet in Switzerland, most funerals take place within a week of the death of a loved person. There are important arguments in favour of waiting longer.

What does Swiss law say?

Swiss legal provisions on the timing of burials are very clear. Although the exact timing varies from one canton to another, they generally specify that burials should be held no sooner than 48 hours after the moment of death and, in general, no later than seven days afterwards. In Zug the latest date is five days after death. In Berne, no latest date is specified.

The law is one thing. In practice, however, funeral offices and funeral directors often have to bend the rules. “You have to differentiate between the basic regulations and actual practice,” as one official told me.  

For some families, the regulation that burials cannot be held before 48 hours have elapsed actually contravenes the principles laid down by their religion. Islam specifies that a burial should be held on the day of death, while Judaism lays down a burial on the day following (although exceptions of up to three days are possible if family have to attend from abroad). According to a funeral director in the Berne region, it is generally impossible to comply with Jewish and Muslim religious requirements in Switzerland. Even in cases where exceptions are granted, it is rare for things to go as fast as laid down by the religion in question. 

One other factor that can delay funeral arrangements is the ordering of an autopsy. The police require an autopsy for all deaths classified under the heading of “aussergewöhnlicher Todesfall” (non-normal death). These include accidents, killing, medical malpractice, suicide (even assisted suicide) and all other situations where the cause of death is unclear. 

These cases are referred to one of the Swiss forensic medicine institutes, such as the Gerichtsmedizinisches Institut at Zurich University, or the Institut für Rechtsmedizin in Basel, Berne or St Gallen. A forensic report may only take a few days, or as long as 2 – 6 weeks. Only then can the person be buried or cremated.

Seven days…?

Where there is no delay due to forensic procedures, funeral officials at Swiss municipal authorities will generally organise a funeral within a week of death. In cases where a family has chosen an independent funeral led by a funeral celebrant, the date may be set before the family has even had a chance to check whether their funeral celebrant is available, or whether he or she has sufficient time to prepare a dignified ceremony.

When a deceased relative is cremated, the date usually follows very shortly after cremation. If the person is a member of the Swiss Catholic or Reformed churches, the authorities often take charge of organising a funeral date with the relevant priest or minister, generally within a week of death.

However, these days there is no real reason why the seven-day limit laid down in cantonal laws and ordinances needs to be complied with so strictly. These regulations were drawn up long before modern cooling technology. Nowadays, funeral offices like the City of Zurich have cooling rooms where the process of decomposition can be halted, and bodies can therefore be kept for an extended period of time. And of course, once a person has been cremated, ashes in urns can be kept indefinitely.

This means funeral offices can be flexible, to a certain extent. While they would be unlikely to store a body for as long as three months, they can respond to the needs of families wanting to extend the waiting period.

That said, not all families want to wait too long. Some feel that the ritual of the funeral provides a certain degree of closure. With so many administrative tasks following a death, some prefer to get the organisation of a funeral out of the way.

Or a bit longer…?

For most people, however, the very fact that there is so much to organise after a death in the family is a strong argument in favour of delaying the funeral.

It has been estimated that close relatives are faced with as many as 100 administrative tasks following the death of a family member. In addition to the immediate responsibilities of registering the death, handling tax matters and the will, they have to close bank accounts, terminate insurance and other contracts, notify family and friends, companies and other authorities, and may also have to clear a flat or house. In addition, families nowadays are faced with the complex business of handling a dead person’s digital legacy – such as his or her social media accounts, recurring internet payments and e-mail accounts.

Finding time alongside all of these jobs to organise a dignified and meaningful funeral is not easy. Friends and family have to be contacted and need time to travel or take time away from their other responsibilities.

Close relatives need time to think about how they want to honour a life – to choose music and readings, maybe sort through photos, talk to friends or family members who would like to write or say a few words about the deceased at the funeral.

Photo shows or live streaming during funerals are still uncommon in Switzerland, but if the family would like to include elements like this, they need to be organised and created.

Finally, if a celebrant is to be asked to lead the funeral, he or she will need a week or more to discuss the family’s wishes and collect information, talk to speakers and to the funeral venue, and organise pictures, flowers and other symbolic elements. In Switzerland, farewell ceremonies often last 45 minutes to one hour, and the celebrant will need time to create and write a funeral of this length.

But perhaps the most important argument in favour of taking time to prepare a funeral is its vital role in the process of grief and mourning.

Here is the experience of a lady who wrote on the internet site Quora about the timing of her mother’s funeral:

“I lost my Mum on April 10th 2019. Her death was very sudden and she was very young. My Mum was only 53 when she died. She went into hospital on April 9th around 6pm and she died April 10th around 5am.

“Because her death was very quick, and came as a massive shock to us, and because I needed time to process what had happened, and register her death, and sort out homes for her pets, and sort out her house, I wanted to wait to have her funeral. Also, my Mum's youngest brother had booked and paid for a holiday, and so I told him to go on his holiday and we would have the funeral when he came home.

“We had my Mum's funeral on May 16th, so 1 month and 6 days after she had died. That was what I chose to do and what felt right for us.”

Why take time for funerals?

Why do we have funerals? The safe and undisturbed setting in which a funeral takes place helps to fulfil the following functions:

• acknowledge that a loved one has died.

• remember the person who died and share memories.

• offer comfort to those who have lost a dear person.

• provide a support system for friends and family.

• give us the opportunity to think about the meaning of life and death.

For Alan D. Wolfelt, one of North America’s leading death educators and counsellors, “families that experience full funerals are best supported in their early grief and mourning.”

Alan Wolfert is the Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Colorado, USA. The Center’s website explains, “Funerals and other ceremonies at a time of death help us process our most profound thoughts and feelings. They make a significant difference in helping us channel our grief toward healing.

“When everyday words and actions are inadequate, the ritual of ceremony provides a needed structure of what to say and do. Funerals also help us acknowledge the reality of the death, remember the life that was lived, support one another in our grief, express our grief outside of ourselves, consider the meaning of life, and begin the long, hard process of coming to transcend our grief and move toward a new wholeness.”

Wolfert himself says, “Families who take the time and make the effort to create meaningful funeral arrangements when someone loved dies often end up making new arrangements in their own lives. They remember and reconnect with what is most meaningful to them in life. They strengthen bonds with family members and friends. They emerge changed, more authentic and purposeful.

“The best funerals remind us how we should live.”